Baby, it's cold outside.

A Colorado Hooker brought this city to it's knees a couple of days ago.

We had a blizzard the other day, this being my second ever. You see, when the storm originates in the pacific, traverses the southwestern states heading north and east, and then "hooks" back around west into Colorado, stalling over Denver because the mountains in the west, it is commonly, and surprisingly, referred to as a "hooker". A Colorado Hooker.

Anyway, as people rushed home in congested highway traffic, their speeds topping 30-35 mph, I was preparing for work. They had made all their calls, faxed all their papers, and put their computers to sleep. I ironed my shirt.

Kathy Sabine was telling us this was going to be a bad one. It was coming, and it wasn't going to be pretty (seldomly hookers are). Feet of snow, not inches, were suspected and all forecasts came true. Gas stations had lines around the block, snow shovels went for 5 times their orignal price, and the stores had no milk. I packed my lunch and a sleeping bag.

Everything you thought might happen in an emergency occured, all but that loud siren piercing the Denver skyline.

It snowed!

And I went to work.

Essential personnel. That's what I am. And frankly, I'm getting pretty tired of it. Everyone, everywhere is screaming to stay home, don't go out, it's miserable and it's dangerous. Me? I am essential. I have to.

So, I warm up the Jeep and pull out of my driveway. Not knowing when the next time I'll see my family. I was offered a ride by the division. They gladly would come pick me up in the Ford Expedition Monster Truck with chains on all four, knobby tires. But, if someone picks you up, someone has to take you home, right? And since that hooker was scheduled to get much worse, as it did, that means no more essential personnel can come to work. Which, in turn, means I have to stay even longer. I didn't want to be there in the first place, and if I'm at the whim of a supervisor as to when I can go home, I'll take my chances and drive myself. Me against the hooker!

It snowed all night. They closed every highway in every direction. The airport closed. They even declared a State of Emergency and called for reinforcements. The National Guard cruised the highways picking up stranded motorists and transfering them to Red Cross Shelters, where they nestled in and spent up to 2 days.

Hummers and Sno-Cats cruised Colfax picking up misplaced and distraught homeless people and frigid hookers. Hookers everywhere, huh?

As for me, I drove from one end of the city to another. Chains grinding on the snow to help our traction as we responded "emergently" to "emergencies". Like the guy who called 911 because he was hung-over. We sledded down 20 blocks in 30 minutes to render aide to someone who drank too much the night before. You wonder why essential personnel are grumpy? Because we have to deal with things, and meet people, like that.

Snow continued to fall. All night. Each hour the world seemed to sink into piles of white. The curbs disappeared, the front porches were gone, and even cars on the side of the road gradually melted into white, glistening piles of snow. Cars abandoned like landmines littered every street. And frenetic piles of Gore-Tex blew white clouds of smoke into the air as they slipped and slided down the middle of snow packed streets. Occasionally, a snow mobile would fly by. Reminding me how much I didn't want to be at work and how nice it would be to be snuggled up at home in the arms of someone you love.

What did this hooker teach me? Probably a lesson every hooker's taught before; It's times like these that you realize how nice you have it and how lucky you are to have someplace warm to rest your head, with someone you love.